Boy oh BOY!!!!!!!

Please excuse my overwhelming joy this week, but damn if Tuesday evening didn't just tickle me pink. Let me explain.

First, let's start with yet ANOTHER member joining the Carnival Of Payne. Let me ask you sheep something. What kind of a Carnival doesn't have a clown? Answer: Not a very good one. And what kind of carnival is the Carnival of Payne? Answer: The friggin best, baby!

So, I realized for The C.O.P. to truly represent all that is glorious about carnivals, I needed to find our family a clown, and not just any clown. The BEST damned clown I could find. Fortunately, last friday night in Fairfield, I found my clown.

For those of you unaware, last friday in Fairfield "Tickles" the Clown, a true fan favorite, had an "accident". It seems he had a flower pot crushed over his skull. Being the man that I am, I went to his rescue. Ohhhhh, and rescue him I did.

As I helped him to the back, I pointed out how these fans didn't give a damn about his injury. You mindless Sheep couldn't care less about the wrestlers' well-being, all you care about is them entertaining you. I carefully explained this to the slightly concussed "Tickles" as his fractured skull was being tended to. Well, apparently, "tickles" had more intelligence than any of you common dolts, as he called me the next day. Sure enough, yet again in my career, I had helped someone see the light.

Boo-YA!!!

This Tueday night I was pleased as punch to introduce my assistant in the Carnival Of Payne, "Sludge" the Clown. To see Sludge, please check my photo gallery. Sludge showed his new attitude, as he proclaimed for all of the hillbillies at Skip's that he had joined the finest Carnival he had ever seen, none other than the good ol' Carnival Of Payne. He also raised some jealousy from the hicks as he informed them that he is about to become an enormous movie star, the success of which none of you Sheep could EVER possibly understand.

So now, my carnival has me, it's barker and ring-master. we have Sludge, the Head Clown of the carnival. Of course there's my high-wire daredevil, "Extremely Tasty" Adam Hastey, who UNfortunately is still nursing his injured knee. But being the team player that he is, he is always at my side. Last, but certainly not least, there is the Carnival's anchor, "The Extreme Strongman" Gino Martino.

Let's discuss my strongman, shall we? See, last Friday in Fairfield he had a match against "Hott Stuff" Paul Hudson, and I will admit, he may have taken that little punk a little lightly, and to his credit, Hudson gave Gino everything he had. but as is ALWAYS the case, it still wasn't enough, as Gino came out victorious in this tune-up match.

And what was it a tune-up for? Heh, heh, heh. Well, it was a tune up for what would end up being Osirus' last match EVER!!!

Tuesday night, Gino and I granted Osirus his "Last Man Standing" NWA-NE Brass Knux Title rematch that that sucker actually WANTED. I tried to warn the moron, the last thing he wanted to do was step foot in ANY ring with Gino again. See, for the last two months, Gino had been going easy on Osirus,as I had ASKED him to. Despite his overwhelming stupidity, I at least respected his guts. And I THOUGHT he may be able to be converted and see the light some day, just as Sludge did.

But Osirus had to go and piss me off. he ran his mouth like a little punk on message boards, his own website, on the streets, you name it. And what happens when Dr. Payne gets pissed?

Gino Martino gets SUPER-PISSED!!!!

I can't do justice to the carnage that Gino inflicted on Osirus with mere words, but let me give you a sample......

-THUMBTACKS

-TRASHCANS

-CHAIRS

-RATTAN CANES

-CHAINS

-A DAMNED FIREBALL!!!!!!!!

That was just during the match! To his credit, Osirus did manage to bust Gino wide open and spill about a gallon of Gino's blood, but all that did was make him even MORE angry.

That's why he beat you sooooo badly, that even though you tried, you still couldn't get to your feet by the ten count.

And Gino wasn't done. He continued to beat Osirus even after the bell had signaled Gino's inevitable victory. Everything culminated with TWO powerbombs on the wood floor onto a damned chair!!!!

Gino, Hastey, and Sludge wanted to see a third powerbomb, to finally finish that son of a bitch off, but I figured that ACTUALLY killing Osirus may be going to far. But from what I hear happened while we began celebrating out back, Gino DEFINITELY got the job done for me.

By all accounts, Osirus half-stumbled was half-carried away from the ring. Then that stupid son of a bitch actually tried to drive himself to the nearest hospital. Too bad some of his friends took over and helped him there. Otherwise, perhaps, just perhaps, he would've been left lying to rot in that infernal parking lot like the dog that he is.

I hear tell that Gino REALLY did a number on him. Split lip? Check! Cracked ribs? Check! Severe concussion? Check! Injured spine? Check! Burned retinas? Check! Yep, that's everything.

From what I hear, there is a VERY good chance that this past Tuesday, the 24th of August, marked the last time we'll ever see Osirus in a ring, EVER!!!!!

Other wrestlers that may be thinking of making a name for themselves by crossing the Carnival Of Payne, take note of this. What Gino did to Osirus is just a small taste of exactly WHAT the C.O.P. is capable of. You don't want to see what we'll be capable of once Hastey is 100% again.

OSIRUS, if you happen to be reading this in the hospital, tied up in some bed, regretting your own stupidity for fucking with the wrong men, I want you to remember one thing.You, and you alone are responsible for your current condition.

It didn't HAVE to be this way! I offered you the easy out by simply lying down and staying down for the ten count. But you wanted to be "The Man". Well, CHUMP, look where it got you.

And the same awaits ALL who try to stand in the way of the traveling Carnival Of Payne. The carnival is coming to town, are you ready?